Nina Brav

Writer, Blogger, Entrepreneur

Wish I Had

One year and five months ago

I wish I had treated myself nicer.

Instead, took blame

For your daddy issues

Internalized my own

Instead, told myself

You never loved me

Instead, let myself

Feel thrown away

 

I wish I had been gentle to me.

 

Petted my own hair

When I needed comfort

Tended more carefully

To wounds

Allowed myself to feel

Sadness

Without remorse

Allowed myself to feel.

 

I wish I had treated myself.

 

To less wine,

More bubble baths

To more travel,

Less bodies

To better books,

Better people,

Better shows on Netflix

 

I wish I had loved myself.

 

Instead I numbed myself

In turn demonized desires

Looked down on myself,

Weakness never an option

Easy to punish myself,

Push myself

Make heartbreak competive,

Hurt myself to win.

 

I think tomorrow I'll be kinder.

 

Gently tell myself

Your issues

Are not mine,

My issues

Are not you.

Treat myself to

Pink cake and

Champagne, and

Maybe a cartoon.

Know that

All will be fine

But, lovingly,

Remind myself

It doesn't have to be

Tomorrow.