Nina Brav

Writer, Blogger, Entrepreneur

My Apology

I would have

reached out by now,

Have wanted to

On several occasions

Once to yell

Another time

I imagined

Running into you

On the street

Punching you

One good time

Right in the throat.

I’ve wanted to

Talk (and punch)

Because I need you to know

How undeserving you are,

How undeserving

You must have always been

How stupid

I feel for giving

A(nother) chance

At Love

At Friendship

At Casual Sex,

How wrong I was

The night I told you

That we could

End up together,

For letting me

Let you

manipulate me

Again.

 

Did you ever feel

like a bad guy?

Do you enjoy it?

You must. 

Good people

who do bad things

apologize.

I have yet

to receive

My fucking apology.

Is that silly?

After all the bullshit 

Emotional swan dives

Spurred by selfish letters

Slipped under doors

2 hour and 20 minute

Respective breakups

Friends and

Panties stolen

All I want is

My fucking apology.

For how selfish

You’ve been

The past

5 years of our life

Particularly

The last 12 months

When nothing mattered but 

You "finding yourself” and

Trying not to become your father

Just one little tiny

Fucking apology

To let me know

You wake up feeling 

Like the piece of trash

I believe you to be

Like the bandit 

You quickly became

Like the bully 

To my battered heart

 

You remember my heart?

The one you built up

For years

Told was strong

Need not be afraid,

All the notes

“Love you forever and always”

“Yours for as long as you’ll have me”

“One true love”

“Never let you go.”

I am clearly foolish

exceeding naive

But mostly angry

Because

I hate you

For tricking me

I hate me

For letting myself

be tricked

 

I hope you find happiness

That's later

ripped away

Leaving you cold

And numb.

When it happens

I hope you think of me

And realize this is 

Karma

For hurting me

Three times

Unapologetically

Carelessly

Selfishly

Foolishly

And most importantly

For never giving me

The least that I deserve

And am still waiting for:

My fucking apology.