Nina Brav

Writer, Blogger, Entrepreneur

Untitled

Last time I did this,

I turned to mush.

Now at least I’m stable,

Admittedly, not much stronger.

Insides dry and brittle

Ribs dusty, heart cobwebbed.

Aching, but afraid,

knowing nourishment

is always followed  

by unsatisfaction.

Before, it felt like drowning.

Now, it seems, I’m wanting.

Perhaps, I’ll take

a sip of water. 

It Was Arson

Knew at once,

When bright eyes caused sparks,

Carefully fanned between

Subtle smiles and soft chatter.

Star covered sky

Broke open, gently

Showered us in champagne rain

Until Chandon soaked bodies

Lit with desire.

Flames entangled us—

Blazed, but unburned.

Inflamed, but unafraid.

 

So we spent the night

Aflame, unencumbered,

Dancing to soft rhythms.

Sneaking tastes of blackberry, Pinot

From molten lips and craving bodies.

Difficult to end,

Harder yet to repeat,

Moonlit night

Burned to memory.

Pragmatic Post / Droopy Eyes

I haven’t been writing in a while. To be honest I’ve been busy. Quite busy. 14 hour days, it feels like, followed by long nights. I’ve been on a mission for a while. I’ve accomplished so much of it, yet sometimes so little still.  

I'm tired. Physically and somewhat emotionally. I need to lay on an island for 30 days and dive into deep waters and fly through the skies. I think I need escape. 

but for the sake of responsibility and pragmatism I stay. I work. I fight onward still. This mission is not yet accomplished.

This Is Why

This is why

I haven't tried

Or texted

Or videod

Or dated

Or liked

Or loved

Or tried again.

Because smiles

And kisses

And comfort

And hugs

And sex

And showers

And butterflies

Are not enough

To outweight

Uncertainty

Or waiting

Or jealousy

Or confusion

Or sadness

Or possiblity of hurt.

It does not outweigh fear.

Orange Volkswagen

Just when I was

Losing hope, I saw it

In the midst of

Storrow traffic,

Shining in sunlight

Only one in the city

In my 6 years of being

(A sign, perhaps?) 

Closed my eyes,

Made my wish,

Set it on its bumper.

Knew for the first time

In a long time

That I would be okay.

Wish You Well

Finding the courage to dial,

The hard part

Afraid to look weak

Open myself to criticism or

Long drawn out conversation

Intended to be quick,

Pulling leaves from trees

And bushes while I walk,

I glace up at smoky skies

Hit that dreadful phone icon.

 

No turning back.

 

I was surprised.

His voice still brings

Laugher and smiles

Memories of hiding

In crisp blue sheets

Baking apple pie

In a run down kitchen

Singing in his shark sedan

Voices drowned by stereo.

I thought these words

would be hardest

because I wanted

Them to be true.

I wasn't sure they were.

 

Then I said it.

 

To my shock they were

Not just true,

The truest words I'd ever spoken -

Truer than anger

Truer than regret

Truer than love

Lost

Then found

Then lost

Again. 

Boston

 

Bouncing on pavement

Over snow mounds that glisten

Silver from headlights or shinage that

Twinkles from Kenmore's north star.

Only light in dark skies. Only guide needed.

Never to lead us astray.

Sparkle in the Sun

I was not

am not

will not ever be

the only broken person

in this world

I know this from my travels

the strangers met

yellow brick road

Acutely covered

In colorful shards

of our past.

An omen of the journey forward

But oh, how they sparkle in the sunlight

Streams of color glittering

while we wade,

knee deep,

through rainbow uncertainty.

How could I not see beauty

In the fact that they

Like me

Like you

Like we

Have traveled

And will travel forward

Throwing old pieces

picking up new

Until, we too,

Sparkle in the sun.

Wish I Had

One year and five months ago

I wish I had treated myself nicer.

Instead, took blame

For your daddy issues

Internalized my own

Instead, told myself

You never loved me

Instead, let myself

Feel thrown away

 

I wish I had been gentle to me.

 

Petted my own hair

When I needed comfort

Tended more carefully

To wounds

Allowed myself to feel

Sadness

Without remorse

Allowed myself to feel.

 

I wish I had treated myself.

 

To less wine,

More bubble baths

To more travel,

Less bodies

To better books,

Better people,

Better shows on Netflix

 

I wish I had loved myself.

 

Instead I numbed myself

In turn demonized desires

Looked down on myself,

Weakness never an option

Easy to punish myself,

Push myself

Make heartbreak competive,

Hurt myself to win.

 

I think tomorrow I'll be kinder.

 

Gently tell myself

Your issues

Are not mine,

My issues

Are not you.

Treat myself to

Pink cake and

Champagne, and

Maybe a cartoon.

Know that

All will be fine

But, lovingly,

Remind myself

It doesn't have to be

Tomorrow.